I'm not someone who believes in psychiatry. Not because I'm in denial about everything but because I've been caught up in the system for so many years, had so many doctors diagnose me with so many different things and been prescribed all this awful medication, with horrendous side effects and none of it achieved anything. Everything that has developed and improved with me, has come from me.
I've given up on all the Dr's of grandeur, with their magic pills to solve problems they don't even listen to. I'm no longer interested in the labels, tags and stigmas and I don't care for one minute what page or chapter of their ridiculous book they want to confine me to. I used to be interested in a diagnosis, for some reason the concept of something specific being wrong with me was comforting, probably because there was likely to be a decent remedy for it.
After moving on from that part of my problem I have begun to find myself and see my problems for what they are. They are problems that I need to work towards a solution for, the problems that are held against me, that I never asked for. That's what I'm doing and that's who I am. I was born into bad situations and grew up in a way I wouldn't want other people to, it's not the worst story in the world, but it left me with so many problems I never thought I'd be on a journey towards more positive things.
The person who I am, is the person that has the power to change my life, to solve the issues that trouble me and to remove the barriers that stop me from developing into the person I want to be. No psychiatrist can sit in his chair nodding their head at me without actually listening, I won't be a victim of that anymore. I believe that for people like me, it's trial and error and it's an individual unique path to better health and happier days.
To some people, I am a problem, discriminated against, laughed at in pubs and shouted at by the ignorant.
To others I'm a convenient person to blame, for every problem that happens near me.
To me, I am a seed trying to problem solve and grow my way through a concrete soil, I'm the only person that could ever truly understand what my problems are and I am the only person that can work out the solution to them and that's a much more worthy existence so long as I keep going. It's either that or sit and have the pills and the Dr's supress my personality and never get anywhere.